I always thought I would have 3 kids, I don't know why 3 but it's just what was in my head. I grew up an only child and always desperately wished I had a sibling. Someone to share a bond with like no others that I had and there are times even now as an adult that I struggle with it and in all honesty have a pang of jealousy when my friends share photos on facebook and instagram of them going out for cocktails with their sisters or sharing family time with their brothers. I am so very lucky that through marrying James I gained a brother and I am very close to him and his wife but there is always a part of me that wishes I had a sibling of my own. This is probably why I desperately want to have more than one child, not necessarily for myself but for my children. I look forward to watching my children grow up always knowing they have each other to lean on. I know that life doesn't always work out that way but I am hopeful that we can give Ailsa a sibling she can be best friends with.
I always thought 3 children would be the perfect number, maybe growing up watching charmed with 3 sisters or being around my best friend Heather and her sisters that got the number in my head. James and I have spoken, timelines and finances have been worked out and it looks like we may only have one more baby. I know that sometimes babies are unplanned and also we may have trouble getting pregnant again in the future but there is a part of me that is slightly disappointed that my next baby may be my last. Maybe after another pregnancy and birth I will decide that I am done, but maybe I won't. I hate the uncertainty of what the future may bring, I always have. Having babies was always the goal for me, I absolutely love being at home with Ailsa and watching her grow but a part of me feels a bit lost in not knowing exactly when the next baby will arrive and I am in a state of constant broodiness.
We always said we would have a 3-4 year gap between babies, Allowing us time to watch Ailsa grow and for her to start nursery or school before we delve back into sleepless night and also allow me a break between breastfeeding and the next pregnancy, giving me a chance to have my body to myself for a bit, but I would love to have another baby sooner, in a way to try and fit the 3 I would like in but also so that once they are all at school I can get back out there and find me again, restart my career or maybe even retrain.
A part of me thinks though that if my next baby will be my last that I should put it off a bit longer so that I can relish it and try and enjoy it as much as I can. There is no right or wrong answer here and I don't think there is a perfect age gap or the perfect time to add to your family. Ailsa came along a bit earlier than we expected and planned but we certainly wouldn't have it any other way at all. I guess the next baby will come along when he or she is ready to and any more after that we will just have to wait and see.Labels: baby, second baby, third baby
