Before having Ailsa I always imagined being a different sort of mum, Not any worse or any better than the mum I am today, just different in some way. There are many things I said I would or wouldn't do that I have and haven't done. It's a funny thing that when a baby comes along many things change, the way you view things is completely different, do you follow your head or your heart? Do you follow society's perception of the "Perfect Mother"? I am proud of the way things are for us as a family. We have done what is best for us and have followed our instincts.
Breastfeeding was always something I knew I would give a go. Having a biology background I always knew that breastfeeding is the natural way for babies to be fed, however having not been around breastfeeding mothers very much, I didn't know a huge amount about it and had the thoughts in my head around whether there will be enough milk or latching issues etc . Whilst pregnant I did lots of research on breastfeeding to make it a success for us and I am thankful that we have not encountered too many problems. I always said though that I would "Probably feed till Christmas" which was around 9 months of age. I didn't realise however how much I would enjoy breastfeeding or how emotionally traumatic I think it would now be for both myself and Ailsa were we to wean at this moment. So here we are almost a year in and I have no intentions of stopping any time soon. Had someone have said that I could be breastfeeding my child into toddlerhood I would most definitely have turned around and said "Eww no I won't be doing that"as it just didn't seem like the done thing, but now for me it feels like the natural thing to do and I will certainly be following Ailsa's lead when it comes to weaning. Breastfeeding is about so much more than nutrition and before having Ailsa I never realised that.
One thing I always said to James was that our kids will never be in our bed, well how wrong was I!! We have bed shared on and off from a few weeks old. Mostly so I could get some sleep during the long nights of feeding. Many people are scared of bed sharing but I looked up ways to do it safely to ensure that I wasn't putting Ailsa into danger or increasing her risk of SIDS. We are now working on getting Ailsa into her own room and cot. We are taking things slow and one thing I won't budge on is doing controlled crying - it is not something I want to put Ailsa or myself through since we have been so close since she was born. I think if we have another baby we may be a bit stricter on trying to get them in their own bed but we are not against bed sharing if we feel the need to. If I am honest I enjoy being close to Ailsa and snuggling her at night I don't know how I will cope when she properly goes into her own room.
Before having Ailsa I had never really heard of Baby Wearing. Of course I had seen people using baby carriers but I just thought everyone had a pram. Since having Ailsa we invested in a wrap and a buckle carrier and have carried her a quite a bit, but I really wish we had carried her more when she was really small. We will definitely be carrying any future babies we have a lot more than we carried Ailsa.
Motherhood really has been a roller-coaster and different from what I expected. I guess you never really know or understand what it's like till you become a mummy yourself. I have definitely become a different mummy to the one I thought I'd be but I also think I'm a better mum than I could have been. I'm not perfect by any means and I know
I'll make mistakes but I also hope I'll learn from them and make me even better.
Labels: Ailsa, breastfeeding, motherhood
