I'm currently sitting on my couch. Cup of tea in hand watching my little girl play independently and happily on her playmat, moving around and picking up whatever toy takes her fancy. It's moments like these that make me realise just how fast she's developing and growing and I know one day in the not so distant future she will be going to school, going out to parties and having troubles in her love life. She may one day get married and have a child of her own.
The first 6 months has flown by in a whirlwind of nappy changes, feeds and sleepless nights and I've spent many a moment like the one above contemplating the future but also her life so far. Going through my labour and birth over and over again in my head not wanting to forget a moment of it. Thinking back to those first few days of being a mum. Did I do it all right? Am I doing it all right? I always thought I'd be a natural, I love babies and have always been good with them but having your own is completely different to looking after someone else's baby. I am always second guessing my choices but I know in my heart I'm making the right ones for my child.
I was told by a family member back when we first visited Scotland when Ailsa was 10 weeks old that I held her too much but looking back I feel like I didn't hold her enough she's no longer that tiny tiny baby anymore and although she's still small I won't get those moments back so I won't feel guilty for holding her when I should have popped her down to sleep to put a load of washing on or make a start on dinner. I treasure those memories of cuddling her to sleep, looking at her face as she does a sleepy smile. Those are the memories that I want to take with me to the future when Ailsa no longer wants to be cuddled to sleep and no longer gives me those sleepy smiles.
It truly has been the best 6 months of my life so far and I am sure I will spend the rest of my life enjoying all those moments with my baby- even when she is no longer a baby. I may not have been the perfect mum amd I will most certainly never be, but I will be trying my best every day to keep my baby and any future babies safe, loved and cared for to the best of my ability.
Labels: 6 months, baby, future, motherhood, mum, past, reflection
